guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The adults are the big ones right?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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