why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
