Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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