Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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