wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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