In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize