dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
