if i can run in heels then i can drive
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
