Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
