she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize