if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
