I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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