Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
