fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
