and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
