he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
