We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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