I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
