She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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