This girl is more easily done than said...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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