The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
