hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
