So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
