So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I checked into jail on foursquare
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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