Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Bring me that man meat
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
