just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
