turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
