Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
