i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
