i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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