i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
