Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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