So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Randomize
