This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
