when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
