I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
