tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize