is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
