I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
