I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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