i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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