Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
