Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
