They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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