I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
