I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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