I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
barbara walters just said penis...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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