The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
as a side note pls kill me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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