I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
