Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
