I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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