I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
