accomplished twins. life is a go
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
