Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
