very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
