im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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