I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
