My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
