Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
