That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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