She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
