Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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