He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
