you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
