So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
