My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize