dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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