happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
