You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
