Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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