Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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