I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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