I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
