wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
