Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
bring money and cleavage
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize