I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
