If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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