just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
