Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
