hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day đđ#pensacolaproblems
Well youâre enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and Iâm currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNightâs dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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