It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
