I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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