About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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