found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize