did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
