My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize