So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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