I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
