i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
