i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
