It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
