Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
