The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
