we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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